After reading this Letter to the Editor in the DesNews, I got down on my knees and gave thanks for the kind of woman I married. I know of only a few other people (Mother Theresa comes to mind) who are so wholly focused on blessing the lives of others and who are so genuinely concerned about the well-being of those they work to serve and love.
I think Emily is the “proof in the pudding” of why my generation is referred to by Dr. Jean M. Twenge and other social scientists as ”Generation Me.” Twenge sums up the Me Generation thusly, “Today’s young americans are more confident, assertive, entitled — and more miserable than ever.”
I am sure Emily is a nice enough person, but her letter, describing how mature and smart she was for waiting until 30 to get married, shows me that she’s not as ready to marry as she may think she is. Perhaps the saddest part about the letter to the editor was that in her effort to demonstrate her maturity she abundantly showed her self-centered “me” orientation as noted in this one great sentence: “Single, I have been able to discover myself (ME), fend for myself (ME), depend on myself (ME) and develop skills I (ME, ME, and MORE ME) otherwise would have not had.” (As if a mother in her twenties hasn’t learned all of that and more.)
If Emily were sitting across the table from me, this would be my response to her: “Emily, here is a great book. It’s called ‘A Purpose Driven Life.’ The first couple of lines made me think about your letter. Rick writes, ‘It’s not about you. The purpose of your life is far greater than your own personal fulfilment, your peace of mind or even your happiness.’ For all your self discovery Emily you’ve missed the most important discovery of all. The problem is you won’t discover it until you stop focusing on you.”
I’ll be the first to admit that I am far from perfect in following my own advice to Emily. But I can tell her for sure that I learned more about myself while being a father to our three children, than I could have ever done without having to give up myself for someone (in this case my children) else’s case.
I am probably being hard on Emily. Perhaps her only problem was that she missed that one family home evening with her church group where they shared the scripture, “He that findeth [discovering myself] his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for My sake shall find it.” (Matthew 10:39)