Big Fish & Battle Wounds

Posted on February 9, 2011 by Administrator

Dear Joseph,

I think it must be a male thing, but we men seem to have this impulse to want to share stories of pain and show off “battle wounds.”

I’m as guilty as the next male. I’ve got some good scars that I’m pretty proud of. And now that I’m married I’ve noticed that the bragging rights begin to extend to my family, especially crazy birth stories. The fact that you were 10 1/2 pounds when you were born garners serious “wow” factor when the storytelling begins.

I guess it’s a part of proving how masculine we really are. There is something about having the biggest fish. But like any good thing, it can get out of hand.

I don’t know that there is a “clear line” on this one. Perhaps the best we can do is to be observant of how others react to so we know when to omit details or simply withhold from sharing.

One good measure may be to honestly look at how much attention we draw to ourselves at the expense of comfort to others who didn’t really need to see the puss oozing out of your most recent soccer scrape.

Love,
Dad

Rule 7: Show nothing to your friend that may upset or disturb him.

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Bipartisan Incivility – We’ve Got the Gimme’s

Posted on February 5, 2011 by Administrator

While much of the Tuscon civility debate has focused on words and pointing fingers for uncivil speech/rhetoric, no one seems to be looking at a more serious way that both Republicans and Democrats may be contributing to the growing lack of civility.

How?

Both parties are contributing to a “gimme” culture. Republicans promise tax cuts, while Democrats promise more entitlements. In the end, the overemphasis by both parties is really doing the same thing: appealing to our selfish side, our desire to have.

Civility requires sacrifice, which is why after events like September 11th you see, at least for a brief time, an ability to work together. For a return to civility to be lasting, our political parties will need to begin focusing on the duties and obligations we share as Americans. Without that calls for civility in our public discourse will fall flat.

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Buzz Lightyear & Another Gift

Posted on February 3, 2011 by Administrator

Dear Joseph,

I still remember the Christmas where you wanted and got a Buzz Lightyear toy. It was fun to watch you play with that present. He was one well-treated toy. I could tell he was your favorite by the way you took care of him.

One other interesting thing about that gift was unlike other presents you got that year, you didn’t have to say “thank you” so much because your behavior told me all I needed to know about how much you appreciated and loved that gift.

There is another gift that you and I have been given that deserves to be well-treated: our bodies. As a father, I feel blessed that so far each of my children have been given healthy bodies.

But I know it’s not enough just to say thank you. When we show respect for our bodies we offer our most sincere thanks to Him who gave them to us. By the same token when we do things that draw inappropriate attention we diminish the value of the great gift we’ve been given.

Love,
Dad

Rule 6: When you are with others, avoid putting your hands on any part of your body that if exposed would create embarrassment.

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Never enough laws

Posted on February 3, 2011 by Administrator

“Policemen and laws can never replace customs, traditions and moral values as a means for regulating human behavior. At best, the police and criminal justice system are the last desperate line of defense for a civilized society. Our increased reliance on laws to regulate behavior is a measure of how uncivilized we’ve become.” ~ Walter Williams

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Being Polite is Not Civility

Posted on February 3, 2011 by Administrator

As part of my work on this blog, I like to monitor and read the ongoing stream of articles on political civility. The more I read, the more I am reminded of the line in Princess Bride where Inigo remarks to employer, Vizzini (who keeps using the word inconceivable): “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

I think people keep using the word civility, but I don’t think it means what they think it means. Current case in point: Rabbi Eric H. Yoffie in his article on the Huffington Post.

Yoffie argues that we need to be less civil and more passionate. He defines civility rather superficially as “courteous and polite behavior.” As we have discussed here on this blog, civility goes much, much deeper.

What’s ironic is that in his own argument for more “passion” and less civility, Yoffie actually makes the case for true civility:

“As we give full-throated expression to the values that we cherish, we should argue for principle and avoid personal attack. As we articulate our beliefs with conviction and intensity, we should treat our opponents with respect and as children of God. And we must never, ever incite others to violence.”

What a wonderful definition of civility. It’s just too bad that Rabbi Yoffie undermines the need of the real kind of civility he wants by cheapening the word’s meaning in his opening paragraph.

One of the purposes of this blog is to keep talking about civility; to keep talking about what it really means, so that when we use the word civility especially in the political realm, it really does mean what we think it means.

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Laying Eggs @ Dinner

Posted on January 31, 2011 by Administrator

Dear Joseph,

I am sure you’ve noticed that your mom and I talk about manners. Right now I get that it may seem like mom and dad making up lots of annoying rules.

I remember my dad always reminding me to stop sitting on my legs. He’d always ask if I was trying to lay eggs. He even once got an egg out of the fridge. It drove me nuts. I didn’t think sitting on my leg was that big a deal.

What I’ve finally come to learn is that we work on good manners because we care about others. It’s not that we’re trying to be perfect, and I don’t expect you to be. What I hope you learn (and what my dad wanted me to learn) is that our good manners send a message to others that we care about them and that they deserve our best.

When we take that extra effort in public setting to watch we tell those we are with that we value them as human beings. I don’t know if there is anything better we can give another person than that message.

Love,
Dad

Rule 5: At a party, a game, or in public generally, how we act should show some respect for those around us.

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Time & Consequences

Posted on January 26, 2011 by Administrator

Dear Joseph,

The world can be a tricky place and it seems to be getting more complicated all the time.

All around us people, who are really good at making wrong behavior and activities look right and things we don’t need seem absolutely vital. These people will constantly be chasing after your time, attention, and money.

That is why it is so important to remember who you are and where you are trying to go. Joseph, I know that you are a child of a loving God and as I’ve said before, I know you have a special purpose here on earth.

If you’ll keep those two things in mind, I promise that it gets a lot easier to see through the clever advertising or loud noise of those, who want you to give them your time and money for a cheap thrill and momentary “fun.”

On the other hand, time spent strengthening your body, mind and spirit can bring real satisfaction. And as you look back over your life, you’ll see how those little moments spent on better things have made all the difference.

Love,
Dad

Rule 4: Let your recreations be manful not sinful.

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Bret Stephens Defines Incivility, But Don’t Tell Him

Posted on January 25, 2011 by Administrator

I thought Bret Stephens’ article in the WSJ today about Keith Olbermann was interesting. What I found most interesting is that Stephens claims that incivility is not the greatest threat to political discourse rather he says:

“…the real threat is Good Morning America-style niceness, USA Today-style consensus-seeking, all-round squeamishness when it comes to words like “Islam,” the political masquerade of “news analysis” from papers like the New York Times, and so on. In today’s media landscape, audiences are being presented with a choice between voices who are honest (at least about their biases) but not objective, and those who claim to be objective but are rarely honest. Not surprisingly, Americans increasingly prefer the former.”

One problem here. What Stephens has described in the above paragraph is perhaps the height of incivility. There is the obvious incivility – that of the Olbermann and Michael Savage variety. The other kind of incivility is what Stephens laid out in the paragraph above – talk nice to your face while I stab you in the back (a Pharisaical-type behavior routinely denounced by Christ in the New Testemant).

So Mr. Stephens, yes incivility is the greatest threat to political discourse. You said so yourself.

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Beginners are Many…Enders are Few

Posted on January 25, 2011 by Administrator

Dear Joseph,

At times I wonder what you will remember most from what your mom and I try to teach you and how that it will probably be different from what your brother and sister remember most.

One of the things that I remember from boyhood was a list of “Swim Family Rules” that my mother put up on the wall. One of those rules said, “Beginners are many; enders are few. Stick to a job, till it sticks to you.” To this day, it is the only rule I can quote by heart. For whatever reason that rule always stuck with me, while none of the others really did.

Perhaps one of the reasons this rule has never left me is because I have a tendency on occasion to get distracted and not follow-through on my commitments. Some of my greatest regrets are commitments or promises I made, but failed to keep. I have always looked up to those, who you could always count on to “get the job done.”

As I continue to watch you grow up, I believe you are beginning to develop that ability to “stick to it.” I have seen this recently with your struggles with reading. I know it hasn’t been easy and at times you have wanted to quit, but you haven’t. You keep working on it everyday.

I have no doubt that as you continue to develop that ability to finish the job, it will be a great asset for the rest of your life. Thank you for being an example of an “ender.”

Love,
Dad

Rule 3: Don’t make promises to do something that you can’t or don’t intend to complete.

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Robust Civility = Deep & Honest Disagreements

Posted on January 22, 2011 by Administrator

Interesting article from Michael Gerson on civility. Two exerpts I especially enjoyed:

We need a robust civility that allows for deep and honest disagreements instead of explaining those differences away. In the long run, this is only achievable if Americans believe that their fellow citizens deserve respect, even when they hold absurd [in our own minds] political beliefs.

and

Without a doubt, doubt is useful and needed at the margins of any ideology. The world is too complex to know completely. Many of our judgments are, by nature, provisional. Those who are immune to evidence, who claim infallibility on debatable matters, are known as bores – or maybe columnists.

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